Sweet Secrets Exposed!

As we drive past the bakery, my two-year-old daughter shouts out, "I go there with my daddy. We have cookies and ice cream!" 

My wife looks at me, eyebrows raised. 

I say, "Uh, we go there sometimes on daddy-daughter dates." 

(So much for keeping it a secret, kiddo!)

Bedtime for Bonzo

Me: What did I say, Sophia?
Sophia: I don't know.
Me: Don't brush your teeth while jumping on the trampoline!
Sophia: OK.
Me: Now stop jumping on your toothbrush!
Sophia: OK.

Health Food Kick

Sophia: I don't like my rice and beans. It's not good for me. It's not healthy.
Me: Can I eat them?
Sophia: Yes, but don't eat the cheese because it's good for me.

Focus!

Laura: Focus, Sophia!
Sophia: I don't want to focus.
Laura: How does a child take 45 minutes to get her boots on?!

Dot Com Your Mom

Laura's Post:
Sophia: (pointing at the dot in a dot com) What's that?
Me: It's a period.
Sophia: Where's its mama?
(Uh, my English major didn't prepare me for that one...)

My Chinny Chin Chins

Sophia: Where's your beard?
Me: I shaved.
Sophia: Mama doesn't like your beard. I like your beard.
Me: Really?
Sophia: I like the hairs of your chinny chin chin....

You Make Me Crazy!

Sophia: You make me crazy!
Me: Why?
Sophia: Because I wake up early in the morning.
Me: I think it's the other way around. You make us crazy because you wake up early in the morning!
Sophia: No.

How to Fix a Snow Day

Me: My school is closed today.
Sophia: I'll fix it with my hammer!
Me: Please don't.

Spicy Aguaaa!

Our toddler loves soda water. She wants it with every meal.
She says, "Can I have some spicy agua, please? Gulp, gulp, gulp. Aaah! I like spicy aguaaa!"
So now, naturally, that's what we call it.

Not in this House!

Laura's Post:

Me: Yucky, Sophia. We don't poop in our underwear. Not in this house.
Sophia: Let's find a new house.
(Not the best strategy....)

(Me: Poo humor is funnier in hindsight ; P)

Daycare Nightmare

My daughter came out of the bathroom and said to her teacher, "I found a brownie."

The teacher put out her hand.
It was not a brownie... : (

I was so embarrassed! I suggested to Laura to bake the teacher real brownies, but we aren't sure if that's appropriate under the circumstances.

To be fair to Sophia. The teacher may have started it when she served them black bean brownies yesterday for snack time.

Laura asked Sophia what she thought of them. Sophia said, "I don't like that." So, today was payback apparently.

I don't think I can look her teacher in the eyes ever again...or shake hands 
; )

Licking Protocols

Me: Only lick ice cream, popsicles, and envelopes! Not the bread!
Sophia: (visibly struggles to resist one more lick, with her eyes on me and her tongue still sticking out)
Me: Sophia?
Sophia: Sorry...

Class is in Session!

Laura's Post:
Sophia: (addressing her three rolls of paper towel lined up on her blanket) "It's not time to play! It's time to sing. We are going to sing "A Hunting We Will Go." (She wags her finger at the towels.) Sit on the white line!

(Sings)
"A hunting we will go,
A hunting we will go,
We'll take a mama and put her in a bowl,
And then we'll let her go."

That was a very good song! Very nice. Sit on the white line! (finger wags) Sit on the white line! Now you can go and wash your hands."

(Is there any chance she isn't going to be a teacher?)

Living the Dream

Me: Did you dream?
Sophia: Yes. I dreamed that I snore.
(I think it was me she was hearing.)

Time for la medicina...

Me: Is it time for la medicina?
Laura: Yes, it's time for la medicina.
Sophia: No, Mama. I don't need the medicine. I'm feeling much, much, much, much, Much, MUCH Better!....
(So much for speaking in code....)

PS: Her medicine is a nasty liquid concoction of Blecch! What we really need is a better way of getting her to swallow her medicine! She's not even lured by chocolate anymore. You know it's seriously bad tasting medicine if chocolate doesn't work : p

PS: Today she said, "I can eat the medicine. No fuss, Daddy." Then, inexplicably, the medicine went down with no fuss! I think she's playing me : /

Not Funny

She overhears me giggling to myself about something:
Sophia: That’s not funny, Daddy. I don’t like funny.
Me: Then how come you’re so funny?
Sophia: No, I’m not funny. I don’t like funny or tigers or lions.
Me: You’re so funny.
Sophia: No.