Me: Ask Mama for toilet paper to wipe your nose. Sophia: Can I have toilet paper to wipe my nose? Laura: Say please. Sophia: Please. Laura: Please what? Sophia: Toilet paper. Laura: Please, may I have... Sophia: Carrots.
Screams shatter the stillness of morning.
Laura: What's wrong, Sophia?
Sophia: Daddy said "No!" and put me in time out!
Laura: It was a nightmare, honey. Go back to sleep.
Sophia: I want music, Daddy. Me: How do you ask? Sophia: Please, Daddy? Me: Remember that you have to say please right away. Sophia: Please right away, Daddy? (I walked right into that one.)
Here's a typical example of how a perfectly sensible adult conversation can become permanently derailed by a toddler: Laura: ....He said that I charge less than what he did teaching ESL in Vietnam. I said that's what happens in a small town with few international students and a lot of qualified teachers. The price drops way down. Me: Yes, that's supply and demand. Sophia: No, he's a woman! (And just like that, end of serious conversation.)
Laura: Sophia, come put your toys away. (No response.) Laura: Sophia, help me tidy up please or go straight to bed. (Sophia starts crying.) Laura: Sophia, come and put your puzzles away. Sophia: I need to get a paper towel for my tears! Laura: (to me) She's been saying that all day. She's a fragile soul. Sophia: I need to get a paper towel for my tears! (Nice try, kid.)
While talking with Grandma Bita on the iPad, Sophia stands up in her high chair and pats her belly: Bita: Sophia, your belly is so big! Laura: I think it's the apples she ate at Meijer. Sophia: It's my baby sister! (pat, pat) Laura: Sophia, did you know that Bita is Daddy's mama? Daddy came from Bita's belly. Sophia: No, he's too big! Haha!
Sophia: I'm sad. Laura: You're sad? Sophia: I'm sad. Laura: Why are you sad? Sophia: Because of Jesus... Laura: What about Jesus makes you sad? Sophia: I want to hug Jesus. Laura: One day, honey....
1) Hold finger to lips and say to everyone she passes, "Shhh! We're in the library!" 2) Stepping out of the library: "I can shout now? Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!"
Sophia: I want a baboon. Me: You want a baboon? Sophia: I want a baboon. Me: A baboon, or a balloon? Sophia: A baboon. (I give her the purple balloon on the floor.) Sophia: Thank you, Dada. Me: No problem : )
Me: Hey, Sophia, your shirt says "Daddy's little girl." Are you Daddy's little girl? Sophia: No, it says "Mama's the Best!" Me: It says "Daddy's little girl." Sophia: No, it says "Mama's the Best!" (Repeat 3x more) Me: Look, it spells D - A - D - D - Y. Sophia: No, it spells "Doggy." Me: Doggy's little girl? Sophia: Yes. Me: Close enough....