Steak Shopping

How do I choose my cut of steak? Easy. 

When I walk past the meat department and suddenly hear my two year old popping her finger through the plastic wrap of a pound of top round steak, that's the one I buy:

"No, Sophia! Don't do that!"
"Why?"

(Because I thought I was just shopping for juice boxes and oven mitts!....)

In or Out?

Sophia: (stuck on the patio with her plush tiger) Let me out! Let me out!
Me: (opening the screen door) Do you mean let you in?
Sophia: No, let me out.
Me: It's "let me in," honey, because you were outside.
Sophia: No, it's let me "out."
Me: (appealing to a higher authority) Remember that Sesame Street says it's "in" for inside the house?
Sophia: No, Tigey says it's "out."

She wins. I don't argue with pink-striped tigers...

Libraries, Lies, and Lying

Reclining together during our reading time:

Me: Is this book from the library?
Sophia: No.

Me: Yes it is. It says so right here.
Sophia: No, it’s not.
Me: Sophia, it is from the library. Would Daddy lie to you?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: Ha! No, I wouldn’t lie to you. Would you lie to me?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: You would?!
Sophia: Yes, I’m lying on you now.
Me: That’s true.

(She zings me once again….)

Daddy Training

Sophia: I'm teaching Daddy to ask nicely. Say please when you ask me.
Me: Ok, may I please hug and kiss you when we get home?
Sophia: Yes, you may hug and kiss me when we get home. You asked me very nicely. Good job, Daddy. You said please....

Snooze Button

This morning's alarm:
"The sun is out. I waked up! You have to wake up because the sun is out!"
(I would try pressing her snooze button, but she doesn't have one...)

Do You Love Me?

Me: I love you.
Sophia: Do you love me when I'm in time out?
Me: Of course I love you when you're in time out.
Sophia: Do you love me when I'm sleeping?
Me: Yes, I love you when you're sleeping.
Sophia: Do you love me when I'm on the potty?
Me: Yes, I love you when you're on the potty.
Sophia: Do you love me when.....

(This goes on for another three minutes while I'm shaving. But don't be fooled: She's not worried about losing my love; she's merely extending her faked toilet time to avoid bedtime....)

Kid Hip Hop

Laura comes home from her first day of summer teaching to find daddy and daughter dancing to "Kid Hip Hop" music:

Laura: It smells like feet in here!
Sophia: Because we're wearing toes....

The Truth About "T"

Laura's Post:

Sophia: I don't like this game.
Me: I'm just telling you the truth. Tigey begins with a "T."
Sophia: Well don't. I need to learn how Tigey begins with an "S."
Me: But Tigey begins with a "T."
Sophia: No an "S."
Me: Tigey begins with a "T."
Sophia: An "S"! (skipping around the house) Tigey begins with an "S." Tigey begins with an "S." Tigey begins with an "S." Tigey begins with an "S"....

(Heaven help her teachers.)

Toddler Time

Me: What time is it?
Sophia: 30.
Laura: It's eight o'clock.
Sophia: No, it's 30....

Away in the Munson

Driving past Munson Hospital:
Laura: Who was born at that hospital, Sophia?
Sophia: Baby Jesus.

Philosophy for Breakfast

Sophia: You say why and I'll say I don't know.
Me: Why?
Sophia: I don't know.
Me: Ha! Why don't you know?
Sophia: I don't know....

The Scenic Route

Me: What happens when you don't obey Daddy?
Sophia: I go to Grand Rapids.
Me: No, you go to time out.
Sophia: No. Grand Rapids.
Me: Oh, so you want time out now?
Sophia: No...
(She always has to take the scenic route...sigh.)

Unfriending Jesus

Laura's Post:

After reading from Sophia's Children's Bible, "...and they became friends with Jesus":

Me: Do you want to be friends with Jesus?
Sophia: No!
Me: Even though Jesus loves you?
Sophia: No. I really don't want to.
Me: Why?
Sophia: Because I want to play with Margaret....
(We need a play date soon or there may be spiritual consequences : )

Jealousy Defined

Sophia: I jumped on a trampoline today!
Me: You did? I'm so jealous!
Sophia: No, you're not jealous.
Me: I'm not jealous?
Sophia: No, jealous means you're angry. You're not angry.
Me: Uh, right. I'm not angry. Ok, I'm not jealous of you. I'm very happy for you. How's that?
Sophia: Yes.
(I've been schooled...Laura later explained that they had been reading about Joseph's coat and his jealous brothers, his very angry, not happy, jealous brothers...)