Sisters are FOREVER!

Laura's Post:

Sophia's follow-up question after today's doctor's visit:
S: After the baby is born, when is it going to go back?
Me: Back where?
S: In your tummy?
Me: Um. It isn't going back anywhere. It wouldn't fit.
S: So it will be here FOREVER?
Me: Yes. Why do you think she will go back?
S: Because she is a treat. My treats always go away.
Me: You know the baby is a person like you, right?...
(We have some work to do.)

The Sophia and Daddy Show!

While attempting to call family on Facetime:
Me: Hey, look! We're on TV!
S: Where?
Me: Right there! It's the Sophia and Daddy Show! I love that show!
S: No, it's not!
Me: Yes, there they are! See? It's my favorite show! They're sooo funny!
S: Nooo! It's just the iPad! God made it like that!...

Jonah's Brothers

For some reason, Laura briefly referenced the Jonas Brothers at dinner. Later that evening, JB returned to haunt me:
Sophia: Who is Jonah?
Me: He's in the Bible.
Sophia: Who are Jonah's brothers?
Me: Oh, the Jonas Brothers? They're a singing group.
Sophia: Were Jonah's brothers jealous like Joseph's brothers?
Me: I don't know if Jonah had any brothers, but the Jonas Brothers are a singing group. They sing songs.
Sophia: Were Jonah's brothers in the whale, too?
Me: No, honey....
(Thank you, JB, for the most surreal and unnecessary conversation of my life.)

Pink Bike Envy

Laura told me that Sophia was very well behaved at her friend's birthday party yesterday, until the birthday girl got a brand new, pink, big-girl bike:

Me: Did you cry at the birthday party when Adelaid got birthday presents and you didn't?
S: No.
Me: Well, did you cry when she got a new bicycle?
S: Yes, but only for two hours.
Me: No, honey, that's too long. You're not supposed to cry at all when others get presents.
S: No, I just cried for one hour.
Me: That's still too long.
S: (holding up three fingers) I cried for just three minutes. That's all, three minutes.
Me: That's better, I guess.
S: I stopped crying when they gave me ice cream and cake!...

A Sorry Punchline

S: Do you want to hear a joke?
Me: Yes.
S: "Sorry, baby!"
Me: That's your joke?
S: Yes. I'm just joking.
Me: I don't think I understand your joke, honey.
S: "Sorry, baby!"
Me: Haha, I see. It's your setup and your punchline, right?
S: Yes. What's a punchline?...

I Like Peanut Better

Sophia's story book of choice tonight is There's Going to be a Baby. I take the opportunity during the reading for a little preschool-level sex ed and point at the drawing of a boy standing naked in a tub:
Me: Is that a boy or a girl?
S: That's a boy.
Me: How do you know?
S: He has a peanut.
Me: Uh, it's a penis, not a peanut.
S: Peeenisss....
Laura: I like "peanut" better.

Bear Child

Laura's Post:

Snuggling with Sophia in bed this afternoon:
Me: You are a perfect teddy bear.
Sophia: I am not a teddy bear!
Me: Why not?
Sophia: Because teddy bears have ears at the top of their heads, and I have ears at the sides.
Me: That's the only difference?
Sophia: Yup!

Show and Gross-out Tell

During family dinner time:

Sophia: ...While we were eating lunch, I showed my friends my scabs.
Laura: Eww!
Sophia: They wanted to know if they were owies, but I said they weren't owies, they were scabs.
Laura: Let's not talk about this while we're eating!...

Kids go to preschool to develop their social skills, but they come home to develop their grossing out skills....

Blinking Cake!

Laura's Post:

Sophia: I have an idea for a great game. You sit and look at me. I will stand here. When I blink, I get cake. You ALL get cake!

Genius.

Some Me-Time for Mary

Laura's Post
S: Today at school, I was Mary. Phoebe was baby Jesus. I was going on a date, so I put baby Jesus to bed. He kept getting up. I had to put him to bed TWO TIMES!
Me: Who did Mary go on her date with?
S: She went out by herself. She was brave in the dark.
Me: Where was Joseph?
S: He was traveling for work.

Sophia has no problems filling in the missing details of Jesus' early years.

Horror Story

Laura's Post: 

S: Do you want to draw with me?
Me: OK. What are we drawing?
S: A factory. It makes people who have died.
Me: What?!
S: It makes sugar that falls on the floor and kills people.
Me: You mean poison?
S: Yes! Look. I have already done the blood!

(We did just go and buy ant traps and spray...)

Mark's Post: 

This reminds me of when a church lady was gushing to us about our daughter: "I just love her! She is such a doll!" Laura gave me a knowing look because just that morning Sophia had quite the Richter scale tantrum. I winked back at Laura and whispered, "Yeah, like Chucky." We couldn't resist sharing a cathartic laugh together...

For the record, Laura and I agree that in recent weeks Sophia's behavior has been really impressive: 10% terror, 30% stubborn, and 60% sweetheart. : )

Babysitting Baby Jesus

Laura's Post:

Me: Sophia, where are you going?
S: To Bethlehem.
Me: What are you going to do there?
S: I am going to give baby Jesus some water because he's thirsty...I am babysitting him because his mummy and daddy are at the store...They are going to buy a baby cot because they don't have a cot...Baby Jesus has to sleep in a manger.
Me: Will baby Jesus like the cot better than the manger?
S: Yes, because he always cries....

Play-Doh Therapy

Sophia: I like (daycare), after all.
Me: That's very nice. What's your favorite thing to do?
Sophia: I like to play with Play-Doh.
Me: How about playing with your friends?
Sophia: No, I like to play with Play-Doh.
Me: With your friends sometimes?
Sophia: Yes, but sometimes I need my space....
(I hadn't thought of Play-Doh as a stress reliever, but, yeah, that makes sense....)

REALLY Cold Outside!

Laura's post:

Me: (This morning covered in snow) You need to put your coat on, Sophia. It's REALLY cold outside.

Sophia: No. I'll be OK. I'll hold Tigey to keep him warm... 

(I open the door for two seconds)

Sophia: I think I need my coat on today! It's cold!


What do I know about the weather? She only watched me spend 10 minutes digging out the car.

The Best Present

Laura's Post:

The verdict is in. Sophia's favorite Christmas present is her 2 cent yellow balloon from the dollar store.

Grandma Love

Talking about our friend "Grandma" Judy:
Sophia: Why is her first name Grandma?
Laura: It's not her real name. It's just what we call people who love us....
(In a very grand way! : )

Sounds like Crap!

Sophia: "Crap!"..."Crap!"..."Crap!"
Me: That's not a very nice thing to say.
Sophia: "Crap!"
Me: No, say something else.
Sophia: But crab isn't a bad word.
Me: Crab?
Sophia: Yes, crab is an animal that walks on the beach.
Me: Why are you yelling out crab?
Sophia: I don't know.
(I think she's picked up "crap" from somebody but misheard it as "crab" and just can't quite pronounce it...)

Sieg Heil Salute

Sophia wants to sit on my lap, so I pause a history video I'm watching and pick her up. She points at the TV screen and says, "That man looks like grandpa." I look and see a freeze framed image of Adolph Hitler in a "Sieg Heil" salute and start laughing so hard that Laura rushes in to see what's so funny...
Laura: But grandpa doesn't even have a mustache.
Me: We'll have this history lesson later...