Monday, December 31, 2018

Sophia's End-of-Year Interview

The following questions and answers are excerpted from our end-of-year daddy-daughter interview session:

What do you like about Thalia?
Uh, that, hmm, (long pause), that she’s very creative and sometimes a little gross
but she experiences new things and mixes food into other foods like she’s doing now:
she just put pizza in her drink. I like that she likes to create other things.


What do you like about Freya?
That she’s cute. Sometimes she doesn’t say words right, but she does say the words
and we understand them. Now she’s learning. Whenever I teach her something, she will
learn it...I like that she’s teachable.

What do you like about Mama?
That she’s nice and caring and kind and helpful and she’s really sweet and I love her
so much.

What do you like about Daddy?
That you’re really nice and you take us out and do Daddy-daughter dates. And also you
make things fun, even when they’re things that we don’t want to do, you make it fun.
And you teach us things, and you keep teaching us it and teaching us it, even though
it’s tiring, but it’s really nice that you’re teaching us it.

What do you think about God?
That he’s really kind, and he never makes mistakes, and he helps us when we need help,
and when we’re going through hard times, he figures out a way to help us, and he loves
us even when we’re doing something bad, and he loves all of us and he takes care of us
and he watches over us and he does all the things he can to keep us safe, and he’s the
ruler over all our life.

What do you like about church?
That you get, in kid’s church, you get to sing songs with other people, and do crafts,
and read the Bible and experience the life of Jesus, but also the treats, too, if there
are treats. Otherwise, I just like to relax and make new friends.

What do you know about love?

That it feels good when someone says something nice. It makes you feel happy inside.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
It would be candy. I could shoot candy from my hands, Wait. No, no, no, no. That I could
make any wish that I want. That I could make a wish for me and other people. And the first
time they wish they have to make a wish for other people.

If you could make the world a better place, what would you do?
Umm, I would, in every street there would be trash cans and a recycling box on every
street so that everyone could recycle in the bin or put trash in there...Or I would make a
machine to put things into the right order into the trash or into the recycling box because
everywhere on the playground I can see trash. One time when I was hiking with Alex, I saw
trash on the ground. People say, “That’s okay. I don’t see a trash can, so I’ll just throw this
bottle on the ground,” and that’s where people left it.


Is there anything else you would like to say about that?
Umm, that there, everywhere, there would be baskets, even in restaurants, hotels, and
other places to collect money for the poor.


What is something that you think is overrated?
Coffee, because you and Mommy love coffee so much, but I don’t like coffee.


Do you have a dream you want to talk about?
Umm, no. What kind of dream? Like a dream that you dream while sleeping or a dream
of what you want to do? A dream about what you want to do. Uh, like a dream that you
wish could happen? I don’t really have one. Oh, yes, that Freya and Thalia would stop
fighting all of the time.


What’s a highlight of 2018? A favorite thing that happened that you’d like to remember.
Having a new experience in life. A new chapter for me: moving from Traverse City to here,
making new friends, and going to new churches.

What’s your 2019 New Year’s resolution?
To know more words than I did, and to actually start speaking without messing up in Spanish.

It was another great year with you, Sophia!
May 2019 be even better!
Love you,
Daddy
Image result for feliz año nuevo 2019

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Afraid

Sophia: I'm afraid of goats. What are you afraid of?
Laura: I'm afraid of heights.
Sophia: I'm also afraid of clowns. What are you afraid of, Daddy?
Me: (under my breath) I'm afraid of the dark abyss that comes after death.
Sophia: I can't hear you.
Laura: Daddy's being inappropriate.
Sophia: What are you afraid of?
Me: I'm afraid of getting Mommy angry, haha...

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Daddy's New Hairbrush

Me: OK, girls. This is Daddy's brand new hairbrush that's just for me to use. Promise me that you will never ever use this hairbrush. It's very important! OK?
Sophia: Not even to sing with!
Me: No.

Sunday, December 2, 2018

A Teruble List

I've discovered the beginning draft of a big sister's teruble manifesto...No automatic alt text available.

Saturday, November 3, 2018

If I Could Turn Back Time

After a good but long day, Laura and I put the little ones to bed, then I chose to relax alone on the sofa to enjoy a chocolate-dipped paleta de plátano:
Sophia: Oh! May I have one!
Me: Ask your mom.
Sophia: She'll just say no because it's bedtime! Ugh! No fair! You get to have one and I don't! I thought you were on a diet? You had a KitKat today already in the car! And you had a cookie! Aren't you on a diet because you need to lose some weight? I think you need to go on a diet. No fair...
(Sigh...Serves me right for not waiting an extra hour for her to get to bed. If I could just turn back time, haha.) 

Happy Daylight Savings!

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Special Chocolates

Sophia: Daddy, this is a new bag of chocolates for my teacher. Just for my teacher. You can't eat them this time.
Me: I'm sorry about that. I really thought they were for me.
Sophia: No, Daddy!
Me: Mommy said she had bought a treat for me. I thought that was my treat.
Sophia: No! They were special chocolates just for my teacher! Don't eat them this time. Okay?!
Me: Yes, I got it. I must be sure to eat the special chocolates.
Sophia: Daddy! No! Don't eat the chocolates!
Me: Right. Don't not eat the special chocolates.
Sophia: DADDY!
Me: Okay, okay. I'll behave....
(She must be a really special teacher. Those were some tasty chocolates. I should know : )
Image may contain: text

Friday, October 12, 2018

Pink Lemonade

Don't drink the pink lemonade at our house. 
It's not pink lemonade. 
If you think it is and you drink it, 
My artistic daughter will only point at you 
And laugh and laugh unreasonably hard 
Until she falls to the floor from the weight of the hilarity...

And when I say You, 
I mean Me.
Image may contain: people sitting, table and indoor

Saturday, August 11, 2018

The Golden Gloves Rule

Reminding my daughter to be kind to her sister...
Me: Don't forget The Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have done to you."
Sophia: I thought The Golden Rule was: "If you win a fight, you get gold."
Me: No.

Monday, July 23, 2018

NO TV

While I'm sipping coffee and watching my morning news:

Sophia: Daddy, is it possible for you to live without TV?
Me: No.
Sophia: Daddy! Then how come Mary, Carrie, Laura, Grace, and Ma and Pa could live without TV?
Me: They died without TV.
Sophia: Daddy!
Me: They're all dead. Life was very hard without TV.
Sophie: Daddy! Well, you can live without the TV!
Me: OK. I guess I could just unplug the TV and take it out of the house and give it to the poor. What do you think about that?
Sophia: OK.
Thalia: NO! DON'T UNPLUG THE TV!
Me: Amen, sister. (sip, sip)
Image result for little house on the prairie on television

Friday, July 20, 2018

Life

Sophia: Why do you look so upset?
Me: Life!
Sophia: Life? What's wrong with life? Look around you! Life is just so amazing! See?
Me: Thank you, honey. I needed that.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Anton the Banana

Sophia: There's an ant on the banana!
Me: Huh? Anton the Banana? Who's that?
Laura: Ant on the banana.
Sophia: AN ANT on the banana! Not ANTON the Banana!
Me: I'm so confused...
Related image

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Barefooted

Running late to take Sophia to her aikido class:

Sophia: Why aren't you wearing any shoes?
Me: I left my shoes in Grand Rapids yesterday.
Sophia: So you're just going to be barefoot?
Me: Yup.
Sophia: But you could wear other shoes!
Me: I just have dress shoes.
Sophia: You could wear boots.
Me: Boots? Winter boots in summer? No, I'm not going to wear boots. 
Sophia: You can't go barefooted!
Me: It's natural.
Sophia: NO! IT'S EMBARRASSING!
Me: It would be more embarrassing if I wore boots!
Sophia: IT'S SO EMBARRASSING!
Me: But why! I'm taking you to aikido class! You're going to be barefoot! Every kid in your class is going to be barefoot! Your instructor is going to be barefoot! Why can't I be barefoot!
Sophia: Because you're a parent! You're not supposed to be barefoot!...

I walked into the facility barefooted. No problem. Everyone was barefooted, except for the parents, but no one noticed or cared that my feet were naked! 

I was kind of disappointed...

Don't worry. After I dropped her off, I went to a resale shop and bought sandals for $5 so I could pick her up from aikido properly shod like a respectable parent...
Image result for barefoot

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Nobody Cares If I Cut In Line

Sophia was next to go on the kid safe zip line at the park. A boy about her age wearing an emoji turd on his t-shirt suddenly cut in front of her:

Sophia: Hey!
Boy: Nobody cares if I cut in line!
Sophia: I care.
Boy: Nobody cares if I cut in line!

Sophia glared at the back of his head in disbelief, then casually cut in front of him just when her turn came up.

Boy: Hey! I was standing here!
Sophia: (smugly just before she zipped away) Nobody cares if I cut in line.
Boy: Noooooooo!...

I couldn't help laughing aloud at the boy's expense. That's my super girl!

However, he got his revenge soon after by hogging the ride all to himself, which forced the little kids in line to go play elsewhere. 

Sophia looked at me as if I should do something about that. But I shrugged it off. I liked that she could experience the exhilarating joy of vigilante justice followed by the annoyance of effective rebel retaliation. It is frustrating, very frustrating, when others can flout rules without apparent consequences. 

She got it. She knew. He was just a silly little boy who was doomed to play alone on a zip line while she could happily play elsewhere with her family. 

So she did.
Image result for vigilante kid

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Biting Rhetoric

Sophia was complaining about itchy insect bites on her skin. I suggested that maybe they're mosquito bites since they're out now.

Sophia: No! Not one mosquito! Many mosquitoes!
Me: What?
Sophia: You said "mosquito bites." I have many bites so you should say "mosquitoes' bites!"...

The problem of having two English teachers for parents is that grammar is always a battlefield with this child.
Image result for mosquito cartoon

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Getting Sophia's Attention

Sophia was deep into her book on our family road trip today. Thalia was nearly in tears trying to get her attention:

Thalia: Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia!...Why won't she hear me?
Laura: Sophia, Thalia is trying to talk to you.
Me: No, let her be. I'm counting how many times Thalia has to call her name to get her attention.
Thalia: Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia!
Sophia: What, Thalia! 
Me: 15 times!
Thalia: I'm trying to talk to you, Phia!
Sophia: I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. I'm reading. What do you want?
Thalia: Ummm....

Sophia's First Ballet Recital


Me: Sophia, you were wonderful! Great job! It was such a joy to watch you perform!
Sophia: Thank you!
Laura: You even made Daddy cry.
Me: I was crying like a baby!
Sophia: You were crying?
Laura: And baby Freya was crying too.
Sophia: Why?
Me: Because she is a baby!...

Thursday, May 24, 2018

I Want Bacon

Sophia: (stands in front of me while I'm on the couch and begins gesturing for some odd reason)
Me: I don't know what that means.
Sophia: I...want...bacon.
Me: Bacon? Who taught you that?
Sophie: My friend. She also taught me how to sign pancakes and this means hamburger.
Me: How do you know that sign means bacon?
Sophia: I just know. Everybody knows that. The boys sign that at recess.
Me: Everybody signs bacon at recess?
Sophia: Yes.

To think I wasted my kindergarten recess in a sandbox when I could have been trading ASL brunch signs with my buddies...sigh...

Thursday, May 17, 2018

The Jump Rope Fallacy

Thalia: Stop hitting me! Stop hitting me! Stop hitting me!
Me: Sophia! Stop hitting your sister!
Sophia: I'm not hitting her!
Me: What?
Sophia: The jump rope is hitting her!...
Image result for jump rope caution

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Sleepovere

We wouldn't let Sophia share a bed with her 2-year-old sister tonight for a "sister sleepover," so she graffitied "I want a sleepovere" on the bathroom mirror to remind us to think it over. It's a cute act of protest, but also slightly creepy when turning on the bathroom light and not expecting to see it, haha.

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Escalator

Laura's Post:
You know you live in a small town when...

Sophia: This is the best place I've ever been! Can I come here for my birthday?

She was riding an escalator...

Mark's Post:
Unfortunately, the down escalator wasn't operating:


Me: I guess it's just stairs.
Sophia: Why isn't it working?
Me: I don't know, but they'll get it to work esca-later...

Image result for escalator gif

Friday, March 2, 2018

Reading Alone

Laura's Post:

I've given many, many reading assessments, but I have never had a kid say this to me at the start. Sophia's teachers are saints.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

President's Day

Laura's Post:

Sophia: "We don't have school tomorrow because it's Kings' Day!"

She may sound American, but sometimes the British pops out.
Happy Presidents Day!

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Fish for Breakfast

When I woke Sophia up for school this morning, she groggily muttered, "But how come? I'm about to eat salmon." I let her take a couple of bites of her dreamland salmon before getting her up since all I had to offer her was peanut butter on toast...
Image result for fish dream

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Not Nice Cream

S: After dinner, can I have some dessert?
Laura: We don't have any dessert.
S: Yes, we do. We have ice cream. Remember?
Me: Um, we haven't had any ice cream in weeks!
S: What! You and Mommy ate it all at night?
Laura: Yes.
S: Ooooooh! Why did you do that?
Me: We don't want it to go bad!
S: Ice cream doesn't go bad!
Me: I'm not willing to take that chance!...

Note to self: Get more ice cream. A lot more in case some goes bad...
Related image

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Grandma Planning

Laura: (to Thalia) Someday you're going to have a baby, then I can be a grandma!
Sophia: When I'm a grandma, you'll be dead.
Laura: What?
Sophia: It's true!...

Evidently, our six-year-old has finally made peace with the thought of our mortality.
Image result for grandma cartoon

Saturday, January 6, 2018

The Ninjago Way

Laura: What were you doing in there?
Sophia: I was going potty!
Laura: But what was all that pounding noise?
Sophia: I was practicing being a ninja!
....
Laura: You didn't flush!
Sophia: Sorry!

That's just the ninja way!...
Image result for ninjago nya

Friday, January 5, 2018