Pie-sicle!

Sophia: Do you have a pie-sicle

Me: A bicycle?...I have a big one out back.
Sophia: Ooh, yummy!
Me: Oh, a Popsicle!..No, I'm sorry, I don't have a Popsicle.
Sophia: Oh... Can you buy me a pie-sicle at the store?
Me: Yes.
Sophia: Ooh, yummy! : )

The Awkward Waddle

With tightly pursed lips and her eyes wide open,
She waddles awkwardly towards me. 
I anxiously ask her if she's had an accident in her pants. 
She says, "No, I'm a penguin!" 
(Phew!)

Favorites 2013

FAVORITE SHOWS: Elmo, Biscuit, Caillou, Daniel Tiger....

FAVORITE PHRASES:

"Dat one."
"What's dat?"
"Where's da man?"
"Don't like dat man!"
"Scary"
"Carry you!"
"Mines!"
"Sorry!"
"I can do it All By Myself!"

FAVORITE WORDS:
"adda" (iPod)
"baboon" (balloon)
"backpack" (alpaca)
"chepup" (ketchup)
"kangaroos" (giraffes)
"pollypop" (lollypop)
"purple" (crayon)
"pie-sicle" (Popsicle)

The Winner!

• I walk out of the bathroom and my daughter cheers, "Yay! Daddy went potty. Now he gets a sticker on the chart!" (Feeling like a champion : )

Eating Seriously

Me: Do you want to eat some serious, I mean cereal?
Sophia: Yes, I want to eat serious.
Me: No, cereal.
Sophia: No, serious.
Me: How about toast? Do you want to eat toast?
Sophia: No, I want serious.
Me: Seriously?
Sophia: Yes.
(Sigh....She settles for Cheerios, a teaspoon of honey, and half of it on the floor : )

Do you want to hear a joke?

Sophia: Do you want to hear a joke?
Me: Yes, tell me a joke.
Sophia: Hissss!
Me: Ok, that's your joke?
Sophia: Hissss!
Me: How is that a joke?
Sophia: It's a snake. It's not a banana! (She throws her head back and laughs hard.)
Me: Ok, I get it. That's funny. 
Sophia: It's not a banana! Hahahaha!

A Bouncy Lepidopterampoline

Me: What are those things? Moths?
Sophia: No, they're butter-fleas.

The Resin for the Season

Sophia: I was listening to Christmas tree music!

So Far Today...

"Don't draw on the trampoline," 
"Don't throw your panty into the toilet," and 
"Don't eat what you find in your car seat." 
(It's a good day : )

Narcissism, or just calling it like you see It?

Sophia: I looked in the mirror and it was so beautiful!
Laura: Confidence is not something our daughter is lacking.

Rock-a-Bye Baby

Me: Be very gentle when you're rocking the baby, okay?
Sophia: It's a toy baby, Daddy.
Me: Then pretend to be gentle.

New Daddy Rule

No more drinks when sitting on Daddy's lap for story time.
Thank you for your cooperation.

Almost Happy

Sophia: Wipe my tears, Daddy! Wipe my tears!
(I hand her a tissue. She wipes her tears away.)
Sophia: I'm almost happy now.
Me: Why are you crying?
Sophia: Because Mama's mad.
Me: Why is Mama mad?
Sophia: Because I'm angry.
Me: Why are you angry?
Sophia: Because she put me in time out!
Me: Are you happy now?
Sophia: No. I'm almost happy.
(I hand her more tissue....)

Date Night

Me: Do you want to go on a date Friday night?
Laura: Yes, I want a date!
Sophia: I want a date!
Laura: You want a date?
Sophia: Yeah.
Laura: Oh, a date! Ha ha.
(Laura hands her a date.)
Sophia: Thank you, Mama.

Crouching Tiger

While Laura is cleaning the stove top, Sophia is poking and scratching at Laura from behind:
Sophia: I'm a tiger, Mama. Rawr!
Laura: I don't know how I feel about you poking my bottom.
Sophia: You like it. Rawr!

Daddy's Eyes

A post from Kristin Mannes and her dog Zoey:

Sophia: "Zoey has eyes"
Kristin: "Yes, Zoey has eyes. Do you have eyes?"
Sophia: "Yes, I have Daddy's eyes."

A Doctor in the House

Laura: Do you want to be a doctor some day?
Sophia: I am a doctor!

99 Bottles of Milk

At breakfast:
Me: Eat your toast, honey.
Sophia: I'm scared, Daddy. I'm scared.
Me: Maybe we should go back to bed.
Sophia: I'm not scared...I'm happy. I'm happy, Daddy. (She begins singing the ABC song to the tune of "99 bottles of 'milk' on the wall.")

MYOB

While conducting business over the phone, there's nothing like having one's toddler insisting repeatedly in the background, "You're too noisy! Shhh. Shhh! Be quiet! You're too noisy!" (sigh)

The Elephant Poem

Sophia recites the elephant poem for us in the car on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner at Miriam’s, again and again...

The elephant is so big and fat;
He walks like this, he walks like that.
He has no fingers, he has no toes;
But goodness gracious! What a nose!

Where's Mama?

Sophia: Mama’s in the bathroom taking a shower because she’s stinky....
(Careful, honey. Mamas are never stinky. They're fragrantly stunning!)

The Unbearable Nothingness of Sleep

Sophia: I had a scary dream.
Laura: You had a scary dream?
Sophia: Yeah, it was scary.
Laura: What did you dream about?
Sophia: Nothing.
Laura: Nothing?
Sophia: Yeah, I dreamed about nothing. It was scary!

A Dinner Prayer

Me: Dear God, thank you for this day you gave us. Thank you that we are all home safe and sound after traveling through the ice and snow. Thank you for this delicious food before us. And thank you for Sophia and Mama.
Sophia: And Dada.
Me: And Dada. Amen.

Friends, For Better and Worse

Laura's Post:

...Margret and Sophia held hands during snack at nursery today.
Their chairs were moved closer together because they didn't want to let go.

Sophia: Look, Mama! I have fingers. They for holding Margret's hands. I love my friends.

(Too much... I guess they have recovered from hitting each other over the head with blocks last Sunday.)

New Highs and Flows

Me: I turn around and there she is sitting in her high chair!
Laura: I know....There's nowhere in this house that she can't get to now....She can also flush the toilet.
(Thus it begins!...)

The Newly Revised Elmo's World Bible

Laura's Post:

I need to read the book of Acts more often. 
Did you know that Elmo was an important figure in the early church 
and that there is a section on the price of Goldilocks' bears? ($2 each if you're interested) 
Me neither. 
That Gideon Bible is turning out to be a very interesting translation. 
Sophia can point to the exact verse, "It's right there!"

Christmas Hymn: "Jesus Don't Want To Go To Bed"

Laura was treated to an original Christmas carol this morning set to an unknown and monotonous tune sung out of a small Gideon Bible with a serious expression and tone:

"Hallelujah....praise the lord....baby Jesus born... baby Jesus crying...he don't want....he don't want to go to bed....I don't want to go to bed...no...no....don't want...."

Sophia had to start again several times because Laura was trying so hard not to laugh.

Tea Time

Me: Do you want red tea?
Laura: Black tea.
Sophia: Yellow tea.

Life Lesson

Laura: You live and you learn.
Sophia: No.

Tinkle, Tinkle, In the Potty

A couple of weeks ago Laura taught Sophia to sing "Tinkle, tinkle, in the potty. That's the sound I like a lotty" to promote her potty training. So now here's Sophia's extended version of the song (while on the toilet, singing at great volume):

Twinkle, twinkle, in the potty!
I will pee pee, I will poop!
In the potty, I like to pee pee!
Twinkle, twinkle, I like to poo poo!...

Followed by a Spanish version: Estrellita donde esta, me pregunto. I need to peepee!...
Then a verse all about Margret coming over to play and getting time out...

(I must have missed watching this episode on Sesame Street...)

Hot or Not!

While eating chicken with ketchup for dinner:

S: AAH! AAH! AAH! IT'S SPICY! IT'S SPICY! AAAAHHHH!
Me: It's spicy? Here, I'll eat it.
S: No! I'll eat it. It's not spicy.

Crazy is what crazy does...

Me: (after a silly, messy accident) How crazy am I?!
Sophia: You're not crazy. You're Daddy.

Cooking Up a Mess

After dinner, Sophia spills her bin of kitchen toys onto the carpet:
Laura: What do you do when you toss your toys on the floor?
Sophia: Cooking.
Laura: No, no, no, Sophia. You pick them up!

Thunder and Enlightening

Sophia: Do you like thunder, Daddy?
Me: Yeah, I like thunder.
Sophia: No, you don't like thunder. It's noisy.
(Thank you for my opinion, sweetheart ; )

Say please....

Me: Ask Mama for toilet paper to wipe your nose.
Sophia: Can I have toilet paper to wipe my nose?
Laura: Say please.
Sophia: Please.
Laura: Please what?
Sophia: Toilet paper.
Laura: Please, may I have...
Sophia: Carrots.

(She doesn't even like carrots. : )

The Nightmare Chair!

Screams shatter the stillness of morning.
Laura: What's wrong, Sophia?
Sophia: Daddy said "No!" and put me in time out!
Laura: It was a nightmare, honey. Go back to sleep.

Music...Right Away!

Sophia: I want music, Daddy.
Me: How do you ask?
Sophia: Please, Daddy?
Me: Remember that you have to say please right away.
Sophia: Please right away, Daddy?
(I walked right into that one.)

Who's da Man?!

Here's a typical example of how a perfectly sensible adult conversation can become permanently derailed by a toddler:

Laura: ....He said that I charge less than what he did teaching ESL in Vietnam. I said that's what happens in a small town with few international students and a lot of qualified teachers. The price drops way down.
Me: Yes, that's supply and demand.
Sophia: No, he's a woman!
(And just like that, end of serious conversation.)

A Fragile Soul

Laura: Sophia, come put your toys away.
(No response.)
Laura: Sophia, help me tidy up please or go straight to bed.
(Sophia starts crying.)
Laura: Sophia, come and put your puzzles away.
Sophia: I need to get a paper towel for my tears!
Laura: (to me) She's been saying that all day. She's a fragile soul.
Sophia: I need to get a paper towel for my tears!
(Nice try, kid.)

Big Bellies

While talking with Grandma Bita on the iPad, Sophia stands up in her high chair and pats her belly:

Bita: Sophia, your belly is so big!
Laura: I think it's the apples she ate at Meijer.
Sophia: It's my baby sister! (pat, pat)

Laura: Sophia, did you know that Bita is Daddy's mama? Daddy came from Bita's belly.
Sophia: No, he's too big! Haha!

Where the Buffalo Roam

Laura: Come on, Sophia. We're going to a petting zoo.
Sophia: Where the deer and the antelope play.
(We then commence with the singing, of course...)

Saint Sophia

Sophia: I'm sad.
Laura: You're sad?
Sophia: I'm sad.
Laura: Why are you sad?
Sophia: Because of Jesus...
Laura: What about Jesus makes you sad?
Sophia: I want to hug Jesus.
Laura: One day, honey....

Spilled Milk

Laura: Mama's gonna give you some milk, but I don't want it spilled.
Sophia: (to me) It makes Mama crazy.

Toddler Etiquette at the Library

1) Hold finger to lips and say to everyone she passes, "Shhh! We're in the library!"
2) Stepping out of the library: "I can shout now? Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!"

Drool Happens

Sophia: Uh-oh! Mama's wet.
Laura: Mama's wet?
Sophia: Mama's wet.
Laura: Did you drool on me?
Sophia: Sorry!

Purple Baboon

Sophia: I want a baboon.
Me: You want a baboon?
Sophia: I want a baboon.
Me: A baboon, or a balloon?
Sophia: A baboon.

(I give her the purple balloon on the floor.)

Sophia: Thank you, Dada.
Me: No problem : )

Saint Elmo

Laura: What did you dream about?
Sophia: I dreamed about Elmo and Jesus.

(PS: Laura says that Elmo and Jesus is a recurring dream for Sophia, and they're always playing with a ball : )

D - O - G - G - Y

Me: Hey, Sophia, your shirt says "Daddy's little girl." Are you Daddy's little girl?
Sophia: No, it says "Mama's the Best!"
Me: It says "Daddy's little girl."
Sophia: No, it says "Mama's the Best!"

(Repeat 3x more)

Me: Look, it spells D - A - D - D - Y.
Sophia: No, it spells "Doggy."
Me: Doggy's little girl?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: Close enough....

Precocious Toddler

Me: Are you precocious, Sophia?
Sophia: No, I'm a toddler!
Me: Ok then.

Two Young Hearts

Laura: How old are you, Sophia?
Sophia: I'm two. Dada's three.

Who's the Best?

"I found a shirt. It says 'Daddy's the Best!' You want to wear it? No, it's mine!"
(The onesie actually says "My Mommy is the Best!" : )

Pre-Sibling Rivalry

Sophia: I need a baby brother, Dada.
Me: I thought she wanted a sister?
Laura: I told her that her shoes are too small, so I have to put them away if she has a baby sister some day. And if she has a baby brother, I'll sell her shoes.

(So she'd rather have a baby brother, than share her shoes with a sister?!...Hmmm.)

The Most Beautiful Thing in the World

Sophia climbs into bed and coos, "I wuv you. I miss you, Dada."

Thank You, Bobby McFerrin

Laura and I go back and forth over who should change Sophia's fully loaded diaper.
We finally agree to change her together (after we catch her).
You'll never guess what Sophia says to us while on the changing table:
"Don't worry, be happy! Heehee!"
(Easy for you to say, Poopy Pants....)

Watch Your Step

My almost two year old daughter walks up to me and says, "Poo, poo."
Indeed, she is extra stinky, 
But there's no diaper in sight!... : p

Taxation without Representation

I gave Sophia a cookie today.
Then I asked her if I could have a bite.
She said, "No."
"Just a little bite?"
"No."
I used logical, ethical, and emotional appeals to persuade her.
"No, no, no!"
For a moment I even considered issuing an executive mandate, but I didn't...

In the end, I feigned disinterest in her cookie, and she eventually set it down.
Soooo, I exercised a little taxation without representation.

Oh, yes, I did : P

"Hello, honey!"

It's a cold and rainy day.
There's forecast of snow in May.
But I'm feeling sweet and sunny
'Cause my baby girl awakes
And reaches up to me and says,
"Hello, honey!"

Winnie the Poop

My baby points to an Elmo sticker:
Sophia: "Elmo?"
Me: "Yes. Elmo."
Sophia: (pointing to another) "Elmo?"
Me: "No, that's Winnie the Pooh."
Sophia: "Poop."
I can't keep a straight face. I laugh, she laughs, and the potty humor phase begins....