In the Doghouse

Six o'clock in the morning:

Sophia: Daddy! Why are you sleeping on the couch?!
Me: (groggily) Ugh...um...morning, honey.
Sophia: Why are you sleeping on the couch?!
Me: I was working late, and I took a nap and didn't wake up to go to bed.
Sophia: (climbing up on me) But dogs sleep on the couch! You're not a dog!....

(Then why do I feel like barking at you right now? ; )

Little Miss Hyde

Laura: Mr. Dan made a deal with you that you would be happy when you arrived at school.
Sophia: (looking at Mama with an icy cold stare) I changed my mind!

Clucking Vegetables

Laura's Post:

Me: Sophia, you need to eat a vegetable.
Sophia: I am.
Me: I only see chicken on your plate.
Sophia: (indignantly) Chicken IS a vegetable!

(Oh, boy...)

Fallen Beauty

We went for a family walk this beautiful autumn day on the nature trails behind Grand Traverse Commons. In every direction, a forest of fall colors: yellows, oranges, reds, browns, and greens by the millions! Quite literally the millions when you consider that just one maple tree consists of about 500,000 leaves. (No wonder I hate raking!)

Sophia suddenly shouted out, "Hey, I see a leaf!" Laura laughed and I smirked.

She anxiously asked me to set her down so she could walk quickly through the foliage a few feet and pick up an average looking leaf, study it closely, then show us her treasure as if she had just won first place at the Olympics.

Of course, we let her believe that her leaf was somehow special.

Throughout the rest of our hike, I kept an eye out for my own chosen specimen and occasionally shouted out, "Hey, I found a leaf!" to evoke giggles from my wife and daughter.

Really though, if a three year old can find beauty and laughter in a fallen leaf, well, so can I....

Daddy Actor for Hire

While helping my daughter put on her dress for a doll party:
Sophia: Daddy, will you pretend to be my father at my party?
Me: Yes, I'll pretend to be your father. But, you know, I don't have to pretend because I'm already your father.
Sophia: No, just pretend to be my father.
Me: Ok, what kind of father do you want me to be? A papa bear like this? HELLO!
Sophia: No, you can just be my daddy....
(Yes, but what's my motivation as a method actor in this role?!...)

The Talkies

Sophia: Daddy, can I watch a movie?
Me: No, not now, honey.
Sophia: But why!
Me: I want it nice and quiet.
Sophia: But I want it nice and talky!....

The Human Race

Talking about her new daycare friends:
Sophia: Their skin is brown because they spend too much time in the sun.
Laura: It's not because they're out in the sun. They're born that way with a different skin color.
Sophia: No, they spend too much time in the sun.
Laura: No, they're born that way, like Daddy has a different color than Mama, and Ezra and Bereket have a different color.
Sophia: Why?
Laura: God makes them that way.
Sophia: Why.
Laura: I don't know. God likes everyone to be different....

Don't Know Much About Poopology

Sophia: I'm going poo poo on the toilet all by myself.
Me: Yes, you are going poo poo by yourself. Did you know that poo poo is also called feces?
Sophia: Hahaha! Feces? Why, feces? I never heard that word before!
Me: Yes, some people call it that. Do you know what Spanish people call poo poo? Caca.
Sophia: Hahaha! Caca! Hahaha! No, they don't!
Me: Yes, they do! Caca!
Sophia: Caca! Hahaha....
(Yes, I know, I know. I'll soon regret this conversation...)

Missing Mama

Laura left early this morning for a conference in Grand Rapids:
Sophia: (tearfully) I miss Mama.
Me: I miss Mama, too.
Sophia: I miss Mama three.
Me: I miss Mama four.
Sophia: (smiling) I miss Mama five...

(We missed Mama together back and forth up to eleven : )

Tigey's Daddy

Sophia: Tigey loves his mommy and daddy very much!
Me: That's very nice.
Sophia: Tigey's daddy is like you.
Me: Really?
Sophia: Yes, but he has a beard.
Me: Hmm, maybe I'll grow a beard, too, so I can be more like Tigey's daddy ; )

Playing the Numbers

Sophia: I have to go number one.
Me: Do you know what that means?
Sophia: Yes, it's a number.
Me: "I have to go number one" means you have to go pee pee.
Sophia: (incredulously) Nooo!
Me: Yes, and "I have to go number two" means you have to go poo poo.
Sophia: Nooo! It doesn't mean that!
Me: Yes, it does.
Sophia: What does "I have to go number five" mean?
Me: It's just a number.
Sophia: (emphatically) No, what does number five mean?
Me: Uh, it means you have five fingers on your hand.
Sophia: What does "I have to go number pee pee" mean?
Me: That doesn't mean anything.
Sophia: I know. I'm just playing.

Jennie-O Turkey Breakfast Sausage Links

Sophia: Mmmm!
Me: She sure likes the sausages.
Laura: Yeah, but they're not good for you. They're full of chemicals and preservatives and salt and sugar.
Sophia: Mmmm.
Me: Mmmm.

Diet of Worms

Sophia: (talking with her mouth full) I'm eating worms.
Me: You're eating worms?
Sophia: Yes, I'm eating worms.
Me: Didn't I give you eggs and ham to eat?
Sophia: I'm just pretending I'm eating worms because I'm funny.

(Grossing out your daddy isn't funny : p)

A Crappy Family

Sophia analyzing the toilet after potty time:
"That's baby poop, mama poop, and daddy poop!"

Laura's Home Cookin'

Laura's Post:

I served eggs and toast tonight:

Sophia: Wow! It's like a restaurant in here!
Me: A restaurant? What do you mean?
Sophia: 'Cos there's food!

(We have been snacking on the go a lot recently.)

No Malls!

Laura's Post:

Sophia: The seat belt is hurting me.
Me: Hold on one minute. We are turning into the mall now.
Sophia: (suddenly distressed) NO!! I don't want to change into a mall!...

The "Get Out of Bed" Card

It seems that every night, long past her bedtime, Sophia will come up with a string of excuses to get out of bed, including the following:

"I'm hungry!"
"I need water!"
"I spilled my water!"
"Tuck me in again, please!"
"I need one more hug and kiss!" 
"I'm scared!"
"Where's Tigey?!"
"I need music!" 
"I have to go potty!"...

She may think that I'm a hardened prison warden on lock down duty, but I'm not. However, neither am I a pushover. Whatever the case, this little girl is really good at sidestepping my bedtime contingency plans.

Tonight's mother lode excuse?:

S: Daddy!
Me: Now what, Sophia?
S: I need to wash my hands!
Me: Why?
S: I stuck my finger in my bottom!
Me: What in the world?! Yes! You may wash your hands!
Laura: At least she's not a boy who wouldn't think to wash his hands.
Me: I'm coming! Don't touch anything!...

I'm a Superhero!

After her bath, Sophia bounds into the living room wearing only her yellow hooded ducky towel:
Sophia: I'm going to rescue somebody!
Laura: Are you a superhero?
Sophia: Yes! I'm a superhero!...
Me: Is that your cape?
Sophia: Yes, that's my cape. I'm a superhero!
Me: You're a naked superhero.
Sophia: No, I'm not. I'm wearing a cape! Whoosh!...

A Trick-or-Treat Test Run

Sophia put on her Buzzbee costume today and asked if she could trick-or-treat our condo neighbors:

Me: But it's not Halloween yet.
Sophia: No, I want to pretend trick-or-treat!
Laura: But Grandma Sherrie probably doesn't have trick-or-treat candy for you.
Sophia: No, I want pretend candy!...

(And off they go for a trick-or-treat dry run where she's bound to get real candy for her efforts....Why didn't I ever think of that?...)