Sleep In Heavenly Peace

Putting Sophia to bed last night was a horrible low point of frustration for me. Laura was working an evening shift at Espresso Bay, and Sophia was working the late shift here at home....I don't even want to talk about it.

Well, today Laura and I conspired about a bedtime plan of action for our daughter, then we both independently talked with Sophia about last night's bad behavior and how tonight would be very different:

No fussing and fighting, no in and out of bed, no throwing toys, no traumatizing Daddy...You get the picture.

Here is how our team effort went tonight:

• Step One: Laura gets her ready for bed – cleaned, dressed, books read, a late but healthy snack, thirst quenched, potty time, ...
• Step Two: Laura passes the baton to me. 
• I snuggle next to Sophia to help settle her for the night. She kicks off her sheets and bounces her head on the pillow like a jackhammer. I explain that I'll cuddle with her but only if she's restful. 
• She settles a bit, and I start to doze off....
• She pokes me in the eye until I say stop. She complains that I'm breathing too hard. I apologize. She sits up to drink a cup of water, some of which ends up on herself and the bed. 
• After clean up, I doze off again....
• I wake up to her giving me Eskimo kisses while squeezing my cheeks together. She thinks this is hilarious. We both get in trouble with Laura because giggling is not part of the bedtime plan...but I wasn't the one giggling, for the record.
• Sophia finally quiets down enough for me to excuse myself from her room. 
• Step Three: I concoct an unauthorized but brilliant plan to ensure that she remains in bed without calling out to us anymore this evening.
• Me: If you stay in bed tonight, I have chocolate to share with you tomorrow. Would you like to have one or two chocolate balls?
• Sophia: Three.
• Me: No, just one or two?
• Sophia: Three.
• Me: Or maybe you'll just get zero.
• Sophia: Ok, I want zero.
• Me: Zero? You want zero chocolate balls tomorrow?
• Sophia: Yes. What does zero mean?
• Me: Zero means nothing; you get no chocolate.
• Sophia: I want five.
• Me: I'm only negotiating one or two chocolate balls.
• Sophia: Two.
• Me: Ok, so you get two pieces of chocolate tomorrow, but if you get out of bed or scream out for Mommy and Daddy, then you'll only get one chocolate. Ok?
• Sophia: Ok....Are the chocolates naughty treats or are they healthy food to make me stronger?
• Me: They're naughty treats, definitely naughty treats....

I leave her room satisfied that my rogue parenting plan is foolproof. I smugly enter the living room where Laura is quietly working at her laptop. She doesn't look up, but I don't need her to. I just need peace and quiet without my daughter's incessant and too often infuriating interruptions...

Five minutes later, Sophia walks back into the living room:

• Me: Why are you up?
• Sophia: I want zero chocolates tomorrow because naughty treats make me grumpy, ok?
• Me: Ok, let's go back to bed. No chocolates tomorrow...
• Laura: So you bribed her with chocolates?...
• Me: (sigh)
• Sophia: No chocolates because they make me grumpy, ok?...

Ok, ok, the chocolate bribery backfired because of my wife's rigorous health food indoctrination of our child, but I'm happy to report that peace reigns in our home tonight.

May peace forever reign!