A Spanish Carol

Laura's Post:

Me: I think we need to do more Spanish with Thalia.
Sophia: (to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas") 

          Tor-ti-lla, tor-or-ti-lla, 

          Tor-ti-lla, tor-or-ti-lla, 

          Tor-ti-lla, to-or-ti-lla...
Me: Umm. Not really what I had in mind.

Daddy Love

At breakfast with a twinkle in her eye, Sophia asks me an important question:
S: Daddy, why do you love me so much?
Me: Well, I love you because you are my wonderful and beautiful daughter!
S: Why else?
Me: Because you make me laugh!
S: Why else?
Me: Because you love to play hard and to work hard!
S: Why else?
Me: Oh, there are so many reasons why I love you so much!...
(Satisfied, she continues eating her breakfast quietly with the biggest smile in the world...which, of course, is another reason to love her so much : )

Eat, Drink, & Be...Mortified!

At the end of a fabulous dinner at the home of a dear old friend:

Friend: You have to visit me more often so I can see your beautiful family!
Me: Next year we'll come to see you more! Haha.

Sophia quietly gets down from her chair and walks around the dinner table to me to whisper a question: 

"What if she dies?"

Me: (horrified to think she may have just been heard by our generous host, I whisper back intensely) Oh, no, don't say that! Shhh!

She nods solemnly and climbs back into her chair to finish eating. Meanwhile, I sit mortified at the thought of her asking the question again but aloud at any awkward moment...

p.s. We all had a merry laugh about it later : )

Grand Rapids is Beautiful!

After two days of stressful preparations, we load up the car and begin our journey downstate to celebrate Christmas with our large family who are gathering at Bita and Grandpa's house; however, it seems the anticipation of getting to play with 17 of her 21 cousins is more wonderful than Sophia can possibly handle:
S: Are we in Grand Rapids yet!
Laura: We haven't left Traverse City.
Me: It's two and a half hours before we get there, honey.
S: I'm so excited!...
Two minutes later.
S: Are we in Grand Rapids!
Me: Not yet, honey. It's a long trip. Please, don't ask anymore...
Two and a half  hours later, Sophia wakes up from a two hour nap. It's dark, rainy, and bleak, and we're sitting in a Walmart parking lot to make a last minute purchase, but Sophia's pollyannaish Christmas spirit is undeterred...
S: Grand Rapids is beautiful!
Laura: Uhh, what's beautiful about it?
S: The red lights!...
Yes, she's referring to the brake lights of all the cars that are pulling in and out of the Walmart lot...

May we, too, find the strength and will to turn off the cynical voices that plague our times so that we can truly appreciate the best of what is all around us as we gather together this Christmas and New Year to celebrate peace, hope, & love. Amen!

Dad, Interrupted

I explain to Sophia that it is rude to loudly interrupt me when I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone, like tonight at church after the Christmas Eve service when she disrupted my chat with the pastor by bouncing against me while begging to have a treat from the dessert table. It's very frustrating. We need to come up with a solution because she can't be doing that anymore:

Me: ...Next time just tap Daddy on the arm. If I'm available, I'll talk to you, honey, but if I'm busy talking to an adult about something, I'll put a hand on your shoulder to let you know I heard you, but you have to talk to me later. OK?

S: OK, Daddy. And when I'm in the middle of talking to a friend at church and you want to say something to me, just tap me on the arm, and, if I can't talk right now, I'll put my hand on your shoulder so you can come back later. OK?...

(I break into intense laughter imagining myself getting the brush off for who knows what kind of serious conversation four year olds have. Sophia laughs, too, but she clearly doesn't catch the hilarity...) 

Me: OK. I'll do that! We'll see how it goes, haha...

The Toilet

Sophia joins me for breakfast this morning with a troubling report:
S: Daddy, I licked the toilet!
Me: What?
S: I licked the toilet. 
Me: Why! On purpose or on accident?
S: I didn't want to lick it. I was trying really hard not to.
Me: How did you lick the toilet?
S: I don't know.
Me: (sigh) Uhh, just eat your breakfast, please, and don't lick the toilet anymore.
S: OK...

Welcome Love

Me: I love you.
S: Thank you.
Me: Uhh...
S: I mean I love you, too.
Me: That's OK. You're always welcome : )

A Christmas Clarification

Sophia recorded a Christmas song to the tune of "The Wheels on the Bus" for her Auntie Kitt and Uncle Thomas, then she explained that the baby's name was Jesus: 
"I told them that in case they celebrate Harmonica!"

Open for Business

Today at a stop light, Sophia looked out the car window and for the first time read a storefront sign aloud:

S: O-P-E-N. O-PEN. That sign says open, Daddy!

Me: Wow! Great job! You're reading signs now! High five!...

(She says she is going to write a book and give it to Linda the librarian to put on the library bookshelves : )

Dropping Judgement

S: OOOH, GROSS! THAT'S DISGUSTING! WHAT IS THAT ON THE FLOOR!
Me: Oops. That's just a little gingerbread cookie dough I dropped. Do you want to lick the beater?
S: Yes, please.
Me: Do you like it?
S: It's deeelicious!...
(Moral: Don't knock it 'til you've licked it! ; )

Born is the King of Israel

Laura's Post:

Sophia: (singing) Born is the king of Israel!
Me: Do you know what Israel is?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: What is it?
Sophia: It's a city where everyone walks around without any clothes on...
(What? Oh. She must be thinking of the Israelites in Egypt.)

Crayola Crisis

Running late for school this morning:
S: (from under the dining table) I found it!
Me: (whispering so as not to wake up Mommy) Sophia! What are you doing? You're supposed to be getting dressed!
S: I found a marker top!
Me: We're going to be late! Get dressed. That's more important right now.
S: (with deep conviction) Finding a marker top is even more important!...

(Indeed, to our little artist, life is meaningless if one's markers dry out ; )

A Coughing Spell

While driving home tonight, Sophia is practicing her spelling words out loud:

S: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c! U-u-u-u-u-u-u-u! P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p!...
Me: That's great, honey! It might be easier, though, if you just repeat the letters two or three times.
S: But I like repeating the letters! C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c!...
Laura: Let her do it her way.
Me: I mean like this, "C-c-c..." 
(My demonstration suddenly turns into loud coughing) Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough!...
S: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c!...
Thalia: (from her baby seat adds to the cacophony with little baby coughs) Cough, cough, cough!
Laura: Oh, Thalia is practicing her spelling, too!
S: C-c-c-cup!...

The Annie Cast List!

Laura's Post:

S: I want to play Annie in the movie Annie. You could be Annie's new mother, and daddy could be the new daddy, Daddy Warbucks.
Me: And Thalia?
Sophia: She's going to be the dog...

Smoke Free Living

Laura's Post: 
Sophia said the most amazing thing today...

Me: Eww! Sophia DON'T TOUCH THAT! It is dirty. That's where people put their cigarettes.
S: What's a cigarette?...
(It's a small reason for hope this Thanksgiving ; )

Life is But a Dream

Teaching Sophia to play "Row Your Boat" on my ukulele:

Me: "...Life is but a dream!"
S: (with shocked confusion) Life is a butt dream?! 
Me: No, it's "but a dream."
S: Hahahaha! I thought you said "a butt dream"! Hahahahaha!...
Laura: We don't say that word!...

(So that's how today's music lesson got rear ended.)

Daddy-Daughter Date Photos

The Potty Dance

S: Do you have to go potty?
Me: No.
S: Then why did you do the potty dance?
Me: When?
S: You were doing the potty dance in the kitchen.
Me: I was just dancing!
S: Oh...

(So that's what she thinks of my smooth moves?!)

The No Drama Rule

At bedtime:
S: (calling out from her bedroom) When are you going to check on me?!
Me: I just did.
S: Well, check on me again to make sure I'm not doing drama!...
Me: (sigh)

A-men

At bedtime prayers:
Me: ...Amen.
S: A-women! Hahahaha!...

Woman Coins

Sophia was helping me count bills and coins today:
S: I made a pile for the man coins and a pile for the woman coins.
Me: The women coins? What women coins?
S: (holds up a nickel to show me Thomas Jefferson's image) This woman coin.
Me: Oh, he's a man. He just kind of looks like a woman because he's wearing a wig. Men used to wear wigs a long time ago.
S: No, he's a woman...

Bear Meat

Laura's Post:

Me: Sophia, what do you feel like eating for dinner?
S: Can we have some bear meat?
Me: Um...I know we live in Northern Michigan, but....
(She has agreed to settle for buffalo. Thanks for that, Laura Ingalls Wilder.)

Bathroom Wildlife

Laura's Post:

Sophia: I'm SCARED of the dark!
Me: Why?
Sophia: Because there's wolves and lions and dragons in there!
Me: In our tiny bathroom?
Sophia: Yes.
(That's a lot of wildlife in a two bedroom condo.)

Shooting Stars & Space Robots

Sophia and I stood outside together admiring the beautiful stars tonight:

Me: Did you know that shooting stars aren't really stars?
S: They aren't?
Me: No, they're actually space rocks flying through the atmosphere so fast that they catch on fire and burn up. Sometimes you can see them shooting through the sky really, really fast....
S: But what will happen to the robots!
Me: What robots?
S: What will happen to all the robots in space? The space rocks  might hit them really hard and knock their batteries out and the robots won't work anymore.
Me: I guess you're right. I've never thought about that.
S: I don't want to go to space. It's too dangerous.
Me: I don't want to go to space either. I'd rather stay right here with you....

Mother Tongue

Laura's Post:
Me: Thalia has a tooth. That's why she is drooling. In England we call it dribbling.
S: Why do you speak English even though you come from England?
Me: You mean why do I speak American English?
S: Yes.
Me: Because then people can understand me.
S: But how did you learn to speak a whole other language?...
(Yes. It is pretty impressive. Thank you for noticing.)

Sweet Pretzel Sticks

Laura's Post:
The grossest thing happened to me...
I cleaned out her lunchbox the other day and saw that she didn't eat her pretzels, so I ate them. 
Three days later I asked her if she wanted pretzels in her lunch again. She said she didn't like them. They were too sweet, but she had licked the outsides...
Thhhbbbbpppttt! : p

The Moos

S: I thought you were going to watch the moos.
Me: You mean the news?
S: Yes.

Netflix for Kids

Laura's Post:

Sophia wanted to know why worms come out when it rains:
Me: We could look it up.
S: On your computer?
Me: Sure. You know we didn't have computers at home when I was your age. We had to go to a library and find a book.
S: About worms?
Me: Yes.
S: Did you have doors?
Me: (laughing) Yes...You know we had to wait a whole week for one episode of our TV shows, too, and we could only watch one episode at a time.
S: (wide eyed silence)

Walking three miles to school through the snow: Easy.
Living without NETFLIX: Mind blowing!

An Inappropriate Dream

S: Do you want to hear about my dream?
Laura: Yes.
S: I can't tell you because it's inappropriate.
Laura: (loud laughter)
S: (telling the dream anyway) Once upon a time there was a horse, and he had panties.
Laura: (more laughter...)
Me: Was that a real dream, or did you just make that up?
S: Just a pretend dream.

Easy Street

Laura's Post:

Me: Sophia, why do you love Annie so much? (I'm thinking the dancing, music, cool house...)

Sophia: (with great enthusiasm) I love it because Annie gets to run down the street ALL BY HERSELF! She runs down the sidewalk. She runs in the road. And there are NO grownups around! She is all by herself!...

Precious in His Sight

Laura's Post:

So I was standing in the kitchen licking my wounds and surveying the mess after a massive tantrum from you-know-who, when that sweet serene voice, a little hoarse from screaming, floated in from the living room singing, "Jesus loves the little children..." 
Was that the voice of an interceding angel or Machiavelli? 
Once again, A+ for timing. It's a good thing she is still precious in our sight...

Love Songs

Sophia wanted to know what my students and I were doing in the car during our long drive back from the Stratford Shakespeare Festival:

S: Were you listening to the news?
Me: No, we listened to music.
S: What kind of music?
Me: Uh, love songs, I think.
S: Borrrrring!
Me: Boring? Most songs are love songs!
S: Borrrrring!
Me: But your favorite songs are love songs!
S: No, love songs are boring...
Me: I'll turn on the radio. I'll change the tuner. Tell me when you hear a song that you like.
S: I like that song!
Me: Guess what? That's a love song!
S: Oh... 

(I let her pick a couple of other radio tunes that turned out to be love songs, too.)

S: Why did you and Mommy want to have two children?
Me: Because we loved you so much, we thought it would be fun to have another baby to love. You were our first love song, and Thalia was our second love song. Two love songs are better than one!
S: Haha. I'm a love song...

Bad Cookie

S: I don't want to eat my cookie anymore. It's got bad things in it.
Laura: How does it have bad things in it? I'll eat it!
S: It fell on the floor...

The Orphanage

Laura walks into the bathroom and finds our daughter on her hands and knees singing while "scrubbing" the floor. 

Sophia looks up and explains, "Every time I do housework, I sing 'It's a Hard Knock Life'"...

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Getting dressed for church:
Laura: (to me) You look really nice this morning! Daddy is so good looking! Isn't Daddy so good looking, Sophia?
S: Am I good looking, too?
Me: Hey, what about Mama's question? Do you think Daddy's good looking?
S: Uh, you look like a marshmallow....
(Marshmallows are good looking, right?)

Your Number

Me: I can't believe she's four years old already. Can you believe she's four years old?
Laura: I can't believe she's four years old, either. How did you get to be four years old so fast?
Sophia: Every time you have a birthday, that's your number!

My Most Favoritist Thing In All the World

"Do you know what my most favoritist thing in all the world is?"
(Umm ... Hugs and kisses? Playing with baby sister? Parties? Eating ice cream? ...)
"Chasing ducks."

Monsters Eating Toes!

A couple of nights ago, I had mentioned to Sophia that sticking her toes out of the end of her sheets might help her fall asleep quicker. She really liked the idea, but tonight she is having second thoughts about leaving her toes exposed:

S: Daddy, I'm scared of monsters!

Me: Monsters aren't real, honey.

S: But what if they are real?

Me: They're not real, honey. Monsters are just pretend. You don't need to worry about that when you're sleeping. Mommy and Daddy are home.

S: But what if there is a movie called Monsters Eating Toes, and I see the movie, and then the monsters eat all of my toes?

Me: I wouldn't spend money on a movie like that if I were you...

Twirly Girly

S: Daddy, could you help me put my dress on?
Me: But you're already wearing a skirt. Why do you want a dress on top?
S: Daddy! Because I want bigger twirls when I'm dancing!...

Church Time!

"Daddy! It's time to get up for church because it's 45506985!"

Monsters Under the Bed

S: Do you make-believe that there's a monster with sharp claws and big teeth under my bed?
Me: That's a terrible thing to make-believe! Why would I make-believe that? You should imagine happy things under your bed.
S: Like I should make-believe that Daniel Tiger is sleeping under my bed?
Me: Yes! Or that there are puppies and kittens.
S: But puppies and kittens aren't make-believe. They're real!
Me: Yes, but you can pretend that they're in your room.
S: Yes!...

(She slept soundly until four in the morning when she woke up screaming....I guess we'll need to declaw those pretend puppies and kittens...)

Finger Food

S: (crying) I bited my finger!
Me: It must be very delicious.
S: No, it isn't delicious!
Me: Why would you bite your finger?
S: It was an accident!
Me: But this is the third time you bit your finger since yesterday! You really need to be more careful when you're eating.
S: Yes, I'll be more careful...

Anglo-American Vocabulary

Laura's Post:

It's tough growing up in a bilingual home. Nappy or diaper? Pants or trousers? Bucket or pail? Fish fingers or fish sticks? Sophia is forging her own path. These delectable morsels will now be referred to as "finger sticks."

The Woodchip

Laura's Post:

Impressions of baby sister at 2 months:

Me: What do you think about your baby sister?
Sophia: She's great and she's cute. She looks like a chubby hamster, and she looks like a wood chip, too.
Me: She looks like a wood chip?
Sophia: Yep. 

Me: Why does she look like a wood chip?
S: Because she's cute like a wood chip.

Me: A wood chip? Huh. Oh, like a chipmunk.
Sophia: Yeah.

Chicken Little

Right when we're about to leave church, torrents of rain begin falling:

Sophia: Oh no! It's raining outside! And it's getting harder and harder, not softer and softer! We'll be here forever!...

Me: You're being dramatic again.
Sophia: ...forever and ever and ever!...

Shop or Die!

Getting into the car after a big grocery shopping trip: 

S: When am I going to die?
Laura: Uh, why do you ask?
S: Is it when I'm too old to live anymore?
Laura: That's a good way to put it. I want you to live a long and happy life and make the world a better place.
S: I don't want to do that.

(Yeah, shopping puts me in a bad mood, too....)

Hug on a Rug

Me: Sophia, don't come over here right now. I'm cleaning the carpets.
S: I have to do something important.
Me: Shampooing the carpets is really important, too, honey. Don't come over here, please.
S: But it's really important.
Me: What's really important?
S: I want to hug you.
Me: Okay, that is really important. Come here....

(Hugs trump rugs, always : )

Sticking Out Your Tongue ...

Yesterday, I had to lecture Sophia about not sticking out her tongue at me when she's frustrated.

This morning at breakfast, she asked for special milk (what she calls vitamin D milk) and a wet wipe because honey and peanut butter on toast is messy. 

Unfortunately, I took too long to get it for her, and she's none too pleased:

Me: Hey, are you sticking your tongue out at me again?!
S: No, I'm just licking the honey off of my lips.
Me: Hmm, you seem to be licking a bit too vigorously in my direction, though.
S: No, I'm just licking the honey off my lips... : p

Killer Tomatoes

Me: It's raining outside.
S: I hope there's not a big tomato.
Me: A tomato?
S: Yes, I hope there's not a big tomato in the sky like you told me about.
Me: You mean tornado.
S: No, it's big and orange and it fills up the sky.
Me: Oh, you mean like the giant explosion in China.
S: Yes, an explosion.
Me: I don't think we have to worry about that...

Milk & Cookies (In Bed)

S: Daddy! Mommy said I could have a cookie if I get into bed right now!
Me: A cookie?!
S: Yes!
Me: In bed?!
S: Yes!
Me: After you've brushed your teeth already?!
S: Yes!
Me: You must be one very persuasive child.
S: Yes! Heehee...

(Staying up late with Mama to bake cookies pays off : )

Blue and Yellow Make Green

We pull into the YMCA parking lot and park next to a green car:

Sophia: My friend Margaret is here! I see a blue car, and she rides in a blue car!
Me: The car next to us? That's a green car, honey.
Sophia: It's a blue car.
Me: (I get out of our car and take a closer look at the green car.) I don't think so, honey. It's definitively a green car.
Sophia: Well, that's because of the sun. The sun is yellow. Yellow and blue make green. You see a green car because the sun is yellow....

(Her tone was so persuasive that I bent down to look at the car from her perspective and realized that blue sky was reflecting off the dark green car in such a way to make it look a dark shade of blue.)

Me: Well, what do you know! It does look a shade of blue from your perspective.
Sophia: That's what I said! It's because the sun is yellow!...

The Volume Police

During a quiet evening at home:

S: Why is everybody so quiet?
Me: It's the calm after the storm.
S: Well, I don't like calm. I like it loud.
Laura: Didn't you say that you want the baby to go back because she's too loud?
S: I like soft-loud not loud-loud!...

Rain

On our walk today:
Me: It's starting to rain! Let's move quickly, honey!
S: It doesn't look like real rain.
Me: What does it look like?
S: Like little drops of polka dots dropping on my head....

The Argumentative Phase

Me: That's a really good article that you shared about raising an argumentative child.
Laura: Yes, it's good to know that it's only a phase.
Sophia: What's only a phase?
Me: The argumentative phase. Do you agree that being argumentative is only a phase?
Sophia: No!
Me: Why am I not surprised?
Laura: (under her breath) Please, let it be only a phase....

Fake Birthday Cake

Sophia's make believe birthday party in our living room:

S: I made a birthday cake. Do you want a piece?
Laura: Thank you. I didn't know it was your birthday today. How old are you?
S: 21.
Me: Please not 21 because that would mean I'm 59. I'm not ready for that!
Laura: I feel 59.
S: Do you want cake, Daddy?
Me: No, thank you.
S: Here you go!
Me: Oh, I get cake anyway. Thanks, honey. 59 it is then.

(You know what they say about birthdays: if you can't beat'em....)

The Monster Next Door

Sophia and I were playing soccer in our fenced in backyard, when suddenly our next door neighbor sneezed loudly: 

AAAHHHCHOOOO!

Sophia froze with fright, then ran wide-eyed across the yard, tackled my legs, and attempted to climb me like a scared little squirrel up a tree.

Me: Hey, Sophia! What are you afraid of!....
S: (whispering with a distant look in her eyes) It was a monster noise.
Me: No, honey. It was just a man sneezing. He's just working in his yard.
S: (disappointed) Oh, I thought it was a monster.

Then she continued to kick her soccer ball like nothing had ever happened....

May all the other scary monsters that dare creep into our lives, real or imagined, visible or invisible, without or within, be so easy to scare away.

Follow the Leader

Laura's Post:

Sophia: Today at VBS we played follow the leader.
Me: That sounds fun.
Sophia: I didn't get to be the leader. I wanted to be the leader!
Me: Sometimes you have to take turns following. You can't always be the leader.
Sophia: But I don't like following. I ALWAYS want to be the leader!...

(Anyone know of a small country in need of a dictator?)

Minions

Laura's Post:

Me: So THAT'S why you didn't nap today. There were minions in your bed!
Sophia: They just fell and wriggled in there. Yep. That's what happened.
Me: Hmmmmmmmmm....

Don't Dance and Drive

I was dancing a little to a song while driving:

Sophia: Stop it, Daddy! Stop dancing!
Laura: That's not a nice nice thing to say. Daddy can dance if he wants to. Why would you tell Daddy to stop dancing?
Sophia: I don't like his moves.

Cattitude

Sometimes I think our four-year-old is part feline:

Laura: Sophia, could you put this on the bed for me, please?

Sophia: No, that's not interesting to me...

Happy Fourth Birthday (photos)

Dirty Job Fatigue

While changing baby Thalia's diaper for the nth time today, I turn to Sophia for assistance:

Me: Could you get me another plastic bag for the baby's dirty diaper?
S: No, I'm tired of doing that. (she slips away)
Laura: Did she just walk away?! Sophia! Daddy needs your help! (silence) 
Me: Sophia! Don't you want to help me change your sister's diaper?
S: No!...

(Hmm, I can't imagine why not...)