Best Lunch Award

Laura's Post:S: I loved my lunch you packed for me today. It was the best lunch in the whole world!
Me: Why thank you.
S: That's the first time.

Classroom Saint

Laura's Post:

I guess Sophia really loves her teacher.

S: I cried at school today when Daddy left me.
Me: What made you feel better?
S: Mrs. Polzien. She held me. She always holds the kids when they are crying or hurt. She takes care of them. She is like Jesus, except Jesus was a man, and she is a woman.

(Yes, teachers are pretty saintly ; )

Getting the Car

Getting into the car to go home:

S: After I put on my seatbelt, will I get to have the car?
Me: What do you mean?
S: Do I get your car?
Me: Uh...I'll let you pick what songs we listen to on the radio.
S: OK.

(I know kids grow up quickly, but she can't get a driver's permit for another 12 years...Why do I sense I'm being nudged out of the way?)

Lunch Thief

Laura's Post:

S: I am going to dig a big hole in the ground in my classroom so that K-- and K-- and E-- and L-- and C-- and Mrs. Polzien and Mrs. Wilson will fall in. Then I can steal their lunches! (evil giggle)

(Caution: The bully who stole your lunch money may have had a mean mommy who packed a super healthy lunch.)

Permission Slips

Laura's Post:

Me: I have to fill out your permission slip.
S: Do parents write on the permission slipper at night when the children are sleeping to say they can do things.
Me: Wait. Do you think a permission slip is a shoe?
S: Uh huh.

The Parking Lot

Sophia thought it would be fun to hide behind our car when it was time to load up, so I took a moment to lecture her about safety first:

Me: No, Sophia, don't play hide-and-seek in the parking lot! That's dangerous. You don't always know if a car is coming all the time, and they might not see you. You would be terribly hurt if you were hit by a car. So don't play hide-and-seek in a parking lot again, okay? 
Sophia: Okay, Daddy. I won't do that anymore.

I proceeded to pick her up and place her into her car seat.

Sophia: Ow! Daddy! You bumped my head on the car door. That hurt!
Me: Oops, sorry. 
Sophia: That's okay.

(You see how dangerous a parking lot can be!)

Spider in My Bath

I turn off the lights as we leave the house:
S: Aren't you afraid of the dark, Daddy?
Me: No, I'm not afraid of the dark. Why would I be afraid of the dark?
S: I'm not afraid of the dark either.
Me: That's good.
S: I'm not afraid of anything!
Me: Haha! Then what was all that screaming about yesterday with the fuzzy in the bathtub that you thought was a bug?
S: Spiders are scary!...

The Bad Samaritan

Laura: What happened to the baby's trousers?
S: I took them off, and I took her socks off, too.
Laura: Why did you do that?
S: I was pretending I was robbing her...
(Hmm...I think she missed the point of the Bible story.)

Mama's Helper

Laura's Post:

Me: I can't believe you are going to be five in a few weeks. I don't think I'm okay with it.
Sophia: You'd better be okay with it. I am going to be so much more helpfuller. Less fussing and more helping...
(I am good with less fussing, but I am SO not ready to let go of the kiddie grammar.)

Monday Mourning

Waking up wearily to start the school week:
S: I don't want to go to school! I don't want to go to school! I don't want to go to school!
Me: (giving her a long hug and whispering in her ear) I don't want to go to school either, sweetheart. Let's do it together. We can do it.
S: Okay.

Blue Dress

Laura: (calling out from our daughter's bedroom) Sophia, do you want to wear a dress for church?
S: Yes. (turning to me) I know how this is going to go. She's going to choose a dress, then she's going to say "no." It always takes a long time.

Laura walks into the living room with a blue dress to ask for my opinion.  

Laura: Do you like this dress?
Me: Yes, it's lovely.
Laura: Is that a stain?
Me: I don't see a stain.
Laura: Over here. That looks like a stain.
Me: I don't see anything.
Laura: She can't wear this. It's stained...

Laura rushes back to find another dress.

Me: (glancing at Sophia, who's casually enjoying her oatmeal) Haha, you called it!

(Good thing I don't dress the girls. They'd be wearing stained clothing ; )

The Queen's Birthday

Me: They're celebrating the Queen's birthday!
S: It's the Queen's birthday?
Me: Yes, she's 90 years old now. Did you know that she's Mama's queen because Mama is British?
S: Yes.
Me: Did you know that she's your Queen, too, because you have British citizenship?
S: She's my queen?
Me: Yes, but she's not my queen because I'm American, and I don't have British citizenship.
S: Yes, I'm British because I can speak British. (affecting a Peppa Pig accent) Hullo, Papa!
Me: Hullo!...

Experi-mental

Somehow I can never get Sophia to bed anywhere close to on time when Laura works in the evening:
S: I'm hungry, Daddy.
Me: But you had dinner already.
S: But I'm still really hungry!
Me: (putting bread in the toaster) OK, but you were supposed to be in bed a long time ago. I hope you and Daddy don't get in trouble because you're not in bed yet.
S: But we might not get in trouble! Sometimes you just have to experiment. Let's experiment, Daddy....
 

Baby Hazards

My wife recounted to me all of the hazards that she saved Thalia from today:
Laura: My goal is to keep her alive until she's two!
Sophia: (graciously) No, don't kill the baby.
(Our toddling baby is fine. It's us parents I'm worried about...)

Mean Babies!

S: Thalia is not being nice to me!
Laura: I don't think babies cannot be nice.
S: She's crying when I'm singing to her! That's not nice!...
(Not letting tired parents sleep in on Sunday morning is not nice either.)