Barefooted

Running late to take Sophia to her aikido class:

Sophia: Why aren't you wearing any shoes?
Me: I left my shoes in Grand Rapids yesterday.
Sophia: So you're just going to be barefoot?
Me: Yup.
Sophia: But you could wear other shoes!
Me: I just have dress shoes.
Sophia: You could wear boots.
Me: Boots? Winter boots in summer? No, I'm not going to wear boots. 
Sophia: You can't go barefooted!
Me: It's natural.
Sophia: NO! IT'S EMBARRASSING!
Me: It would be more embarrassing if I wore boots!
Sophia: IT'S SO EMBARRASSING!
Me: But why! I'm taking you to aikido class! You're going to be barefoot! Every kid in your class is going to be barefoot! Your instructor is going to be barefoot! Why can't I be barefoot!
Sophia: Because you're a parent! You're not supposed to be barefoot!...

I walked into the facility barefooted. No problem. Everyone was barefooted, except for the parents, but no one noticed or cared that my feet were naked! 

I was kind of disappointed...

Don't worry. After I dropped her off, I went to a resale shop and bought sandals for $5 so I could pick her up from aikido properly shod like a respectable parent...

Nobody Cares If I Cut In Line

Sophia was next to go on the kid safe zip line at the park. A boy about her age wearing an emoji turd on his t-shirt suddenly cut in front of her:

Sophia: Hey!
Boy: Nobody cares if I cut in line!
Sophia: I care.
Boy: Nobody cares if I cut in line!

Sophia glared at the back of his head in disbelief, then casually cut in front of him just when her turn came up.

Boy: Hey! I was standing here!

Sophia: (smugly just before she zipped away) Nobody cares if I cut in line.

Boy: Noooooooo!...

I couldn't help laughing aloud at the boy's expense. That's my super girl!

However, he got his revenge soon after by hogging the ride all to himself, which forced the little kids in line to go play elsewhere. 

Sophia looked at me as if I should do something about that. But I shrugged it off. I liked that she could experience the exhilarating joy of vigilante justice followed by the annoyance of effective rebel retaliation. It is frustrating, very frustrating, when others can flout rules without apparent consequences. 

She got it. She knew. He was just a silly little boy who was doomed to play alone on a zip line while she could happily play elsewhere with her family. 

So she did.

Biting Rhetoric

Sophia was complaining about itchy insect bites on her skin. I suggested that maybe they're mosquito bites since they're out now.

Sophia: No! Not one mosquito! Many mosquitoes!
Me: What?
Sophia: You said "mosquito bites." I have many bites so you should say "mosquitoes' bites!"...

The problem of having two English teachers for parents is that grammar is always a battlefield with this child.

Getting Sophia's Attention

Sophia was deep into her book on our family road trip today. Thalia was nearly in tears trying to get her attention:

Thalia: Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia!...Why won't she hear me?
Laura: Sophia, Thalia is trying to talk to you.
Me: No, let her be. I'm counting how many times Thalia has to call her name to get her attention.
Thalia: Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia, Phia!
Sophia: What, Thalia! 
Me: 15 times!
Thalia: I'm trying to talk to you, Phia!
Sophia: I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. I'm reading. What do you want?
Thalia: Ummm....

Sophia's First Ballet Recital

Me: Sophia, you were wonderful! Great job! It was such a joy to watch you perform!

Sophia: Thank you!

Laura: You even made Daddy cry.

Me: I was crying like a baby!

Sophia: You were crying?

Laura: And baby Freya was crying too.

Sophia: Why?

Me: Because she is a baby!...

I Want Bacon

Sophia: (stands in front of me while I'm on the couch and begins gesturing for some odd reason)
Me: I don't know what that means.
Sophia: I...want...bacon.
Me: Bacon? Who taught you that?
Sophie: My friend. She also taught me how to sign pancakes and this means hamburger.
Me: How do you know that sign means bacon?
Sophia: I just know. Everybody knows that. The boys sign that at recess.
Me: Everybody signs bacon at recess?
Sophia: Yes.

To think I wasted my kindergarten recess in a sandbox when I could have been trading ASL brunch signs with my buddies...sigh...

The Jump Rope Fallacy

Thalia: Stop hitting me! Stop hitting me! Stop hitting me!
Me: Sophia! Stop hitting your sister!
Sophia: I'm not hitting her!
Me: What?
Sophia: The jump rope is hitting her!...