Say please....

Me: Ask Mama for toilet paper to wipe your nose.
Sophia: Can I have toilet paper to wipe my nose?
Laura: Say please.
Sophia: Please.
Laura: Please what?
Sophia: Toilet paper.
Laura: Please, may I have...
Sophia: Carrots.

(She doesn't even like carrots. : )

The Nightmare Chair!

Screams shatter the stillness of morning.
Laura: What's wrong, Sophia?
Sophia: Daddy said "No!" and put me in time out!
Laura: It was a nightmare, honey. Go back to sleep.

Music...Right Away!

Sophia: I want music, Daddy.
Me: How do you ask?
Sophia: Please, Daddy?
Me: Remember that you have to say please right away.
Sophia: Please right away, Daddy?
(I walked right into that one.)

Who's da Man?!

Here's a typical example of how a perfectly sensible adult conversation can become permanently derailed by a toddler:

Laura: ....He said that I charge less than what he did teaching ESL in Vietnam. I said that's what happens in a small town with few international students and a lot of qualified teachers. The price drops way down.
Me: Yes, that's supply and demand.
Sophia: No, he's a woman!
(And just like that, end of serious conversation.)

A Fragile Soul

Laura: Sophia, come put your toys away.
(No response.)
Laura: Sophia, help me tidy up please or go straight to bed.
(Sophia starts crying.)
Laura: Sophia, come and put your puzzles away.
Sophia: I need to get a paper towel for my tears!
Laura: (to me) She's been saying that all day. She's a fragile soul.
Sophia: I need to get a paper towel for my tears!
(Nice try, kid.)

Big Bellies

While talking with Grandma Bita on the iPad, Sophia stands up in her high chair and pats her belly:

Bita: Sophia, your belly is so big!
Laura: I think it's the apples she ate at Meijer.
Sophia: It's my baby sister! (pat, pat)

Laura: Sophia, did you know that Bita is Daddy's mama? Daddy came from Bita's belly.
Sophia: No, he's too big! Haha!

Where the Buffalo Roam

Laura: Come on, Sophia. We're going to a petting zoo.
Sophia: Where the deer and the antelope play.
(We then commence with the singing, of course...)